Slashers are easy for a horror film lush: They stab, you drink. But a claustrophobic monster flick starring an all-female cast of spelunkers, ominously titled The Descent? Bring on the faulty equipment, fractured fibulae and one hell of a deadly ice axe. Oh, and lotsa beers.
The only thing better than watching horror films? Watching horror films and drinking beers. Drinking lots of beers. The Macabre Bros. give the Internet what it so desperately wants with The Drinking Games, an ongoing series of liver-testing games tailor-made for horror films. Be warned: The rules occasionally give away twists, plot points and other spoilers, so we recommend seeing the films first. Now, let’s get rowdy.
H = Take a hit.
D = 1 drink of beer.
S = 1 shot of the hard stuff. We felt legitimately classy pounding Gentleman Jack.
X = Strikeout. Combination of the above substances: H then S then D, then blow the hit out.
C = Chug. Drink slow or fast, but the beer needs to last the entire time monsters are creeping and crawling and copping feels around those poor ladies.
Shotgun = Shotgun a beer. Enough said.
Categories = Play the game categories as a group by naming monster movies. The loser takes a shot. When Gentleman Jack is involved, that’s practically a reward.
As usual, our rules call for 1 drink at every death, sex scene and boob sighting. Oddly enough, a film populated solely by females and cave monsters has neither of the last two. For shame.
The Basic Rules
Every allusion to the Juno/Sarah/Paul love triangle — D
Appalachian patio selfie, ladies! — D
When the cabin party begins — H
As the ladies are driving to the, uh, “tourist” caves — Categories
Every major injury, bone breakage or cringe moment (your call on enforcing the last one) — D
Every equipment failure or cave-in — D
The first time you, as in you personally, spot a monster in the caves — D
When Juno tells the group they haven’t been in the tourist caves…ALL ALONG — Finish your beer
The Extended Rules
When that cheating son of a bitch Paul takes a copper pipe to the face — Shotgun
When his conflicted wife Sarah dreams of taking a copper pipe to the face — D
When that charming brunette Beth takes an ice axe to the neck — X
Every time Sarah’s adorably dead young daughter blows her birthday candles — D
Every time the screen goes completely black — D
The Shink-a-Drink: 2 drinks every time Juno holsters her ice axe like a freakin lightsaber — 2 drinks
Every reference to the watch alarm because, you know, plot device — D
The ladies rappel into the abyss — D
The first time a monster pops his/her/its ugly mug in the night-vision camera — D
Anytime fingernails are graphically torn across anything awful — D
Anytime monsters blindly scamper and crawl over our ladies — C
When Sarah does her best Apocalypse Now reference in a pool of blood — D