What board game goes better with buckets of blood than Chutes and Ladders: the classic children’s entertainment with no reading required? Here’s how we did it for the 2009 remake of Friday the 13th – a Michael Bay-produced joint that’s heavy on stereotypes, blood and good old-fashioned 20somethings playing sexy teenagers – but you can apply these rules to just about any slasher or torture porn flick. Just be careful picking characters… we can’t all be the Last Girl, and ain’t nobody want to be Wade. Nobody.

The only thing better than watching horror films? Watching horror films and drinking beers. Drinking lots of beers. The Macabre Bros. give the Internet what it so desperately wants with The Drinking Games, an ongoing series of liver-testing games tailor-made for horror films. Be warned: The rules occasionally give away twists, plot points and other spoilers, so we recommend seeing the films first. Now, let’s get rowdy.

Chutes and Ladders for Slashers
– Write main character names on strips of paper (see our list below for Friday 2009 characters).

– Put names in a hat and pick at random. Attach your strip of paper to your game piece, lighter, Monopoly pewter, etc.

– Play Chutes and Ladders as usual when the film begins. Play at a leisurely pace. The player with the spinner MUST spin when a character dies on screen.

Then there’s this:

– For every GOOD THING that happens to your character (they flirt, they get laid, they get drunk, they survive a close call, etc) go to the nearest ladder, even if it isn’t your turn.

– For every BAD THING that happens to your character (they get rejected, they get too drunk, they get hurt, they die, etc) go to the nearest chute, even if it isn’t your turn.

– Players need to call out their GOOD THING/BAD THING and the group must agree before the player moves to a ladder or chute. No cheating bitches.

Friday the 13th (2009) characters
– Nolan … the blonde surfer boy
– Wade … the poor stoner bastard
– Clay … the beefcake searching for his sister
– Trent … the cheatin beefcake who bangs Bre
– Bre … the skank whose reason for being is skank
– Chewie … the token Asian guy
– Jenna … the token brunette girlfriend
– Lawrence … the token black guy
– Whitney … the sister with the beefcake brother

The Legend
H = Take a hit anytime a character smokes.
D = 1 drink of beer for the usual (see below).
S = 1 shot of the hard stuff when you first see Jason in his mask. We had a grab bag of whiskey, flavored vodka, maybe tequila and some rum. Go nuts.

Our rules call for 1 drink at every:
– sex scene
– boob sighting
– jump scare
– death

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s